© 1991 Rich Grzesiak, all rights reserved.
Rhapsody in Black and Blue: an Intimate Look at Gay SM
We're in Philadelphia's Art Museum area on a wintery Sunday afternoon. A pipe is being passed among three people: a well- known local painter; his lover, a successful 40 year old businessman and body builder; and me.
The painter is bearded, civilized and gifted: his affable personality has charmed almost as many buyers as tricks. His lover is a hard-nosed capitalist with no time for small talk. They have been together for over 5 years.
I'm here in the mutual roles of voyeur, participant and reporter. In a few seconds I enter a "game room." Painted completely black, it's lined with mirrors and decorated with sex toys: dog collars, handcuffs, hoods, restraining devices adorn almost every wall. In the distance is a 50" television screen meant for visual distraction (SM movies regularly exhibit there).
Ultimately, the artist winds up being suspended and hooded and penetrated anally—albeit in a safe fashion with condoms and plastic gloves in abundance. It's a ritual, in that it has occurred many a Sunday for the last 5 years.
I'll call the artist "Dennis" for lack of a better name.
Dennis has been my good friend for half a decade—he's a free spirit whose visual art reflects this: broad, open, vivaciously free spaces that register his commitment to freedom.
Only his lover holds that in check. They make love like ferocious animals on the prowl, each one daring the other to more chaotic/aggressive forms of quasi-violent sexuality. They love each other very much.
The SM and leather communities are emerging as an exotic world undergoing major transitions in this, the Age of AIDS. Even so, many of its critics deride the periodic abuse of drugs and alcohol in this subculture. Even porn star Chris Burns warns people about the dangers of drug (ab)use: "A lot of people use drugs to enhance the situation. Those who (do) are messing with their immune system—those who use them intravenously are flirting with death." One might well also substitute the word "alcohol" for drugs in Chris' comments.
Media wise, even (especially!) in that strange world known as "gay print media," SM is frequently a topic that is ignored, criticized polemically, examined for its sensational (as in heavy reader interest) aspects, but rarely understood. Critics, gay and non-gay, are quick to condemn SM, usually on the basis that sexual sadomasochism may yield physical highs but spiritual lows. The only thing anyone seems to know for sure is that, for all its taboos, SM sure does excite many souls and even, it would seem, capitalists too: at a well-known leather goods emporium off Philadelphia's Rittenhouse Square, the demand for certain paraphernalia—gags, hoods and the like—was so intense during the month of February that customers were either being turned away or going on "waiting lists" until their merchandise arrived. "It's Valentine's Day," said a smiling sales clerk, "everyone wants something new this time of year!" In this 1987 essay, I'm going to take a very personal look at the [gay male] SM world—its habits, its emotional and physical healthiness, its political resonances, the Reagan administration's opposition to SM books/films, the leather world's treatment of impressionable teens, the quality of SM relationships.
In search of insights into these tantalyzing topics, I quizzed a number of experts in the field of leather, psychology, sexuality and/or the SM subculture. My interviewees included: infamous porn star (Wrestling Meat parts 1 and 2, Rawhyde, Christopher Rage's My Masters, etc.) Chris Burns; Edwin Clark "Toby" Johnson, a Texas psychotherapist, novelist (Plague) and author of two critical works, The Myth of the Great Secret: A Search for Spiritual Meaning in the Face of Emptiness and In Search of God in the Sexual Underground: A Mystical Journey; the late John Preston, widely read gay writer, former editor of The ADVOCATE, author of many books including Safe Sex and the infamous SM tale Looking for Mr. Benson; Philadelphia's Scott Tucker, founding member of the socialist group "Lavender Left," former DRUMMER columnist and one time "International Mr. Leather 1986"; and the late writer/wit/misanthrope T.R. Witomski, a dear friend, one time owner of the SM video group Katsam Productions and a former "Frequent Contributor" to DRUMMER.
What follows are the highpoints of that exchange.
Rich Grzesiak: Do you agree with the very common criticism—especially among conservative mental health professionals that sexual sadism derives from personality maladjustment? Why?
Chris Burns: No! The practice of SM [sic] sex stimulation has been around as long as homosexuals. The pain/pleasure principle can best be explained if one remembers that both are sensations. The only difference is the intensity! Many mental health professionals use this pain/pleasure aversion therapy and other treatments on their patients. What baffles most of them is how does one derive pleasure from what they consider pain!!! That's why they are conservatives. They only think; they do not feel.
Edwin Clark "Toby" Johnson: I agree that "clinical" sado-masochism derives from personality maladjustment but I think that most of what is called "leather-SM" in the gay community is not [that] but rather a stylization of exaggerated masculinity. I suspect that the stylization does lead some individuals to actually succumb to "clinical" SM, where sexual activity demands real pain and images of violence replace romance [but] for most the stylization is hardly more than a form of drag The leather cult is liable to attract some "clinically- disturbed" types because they find themselves welcome. This is an ongoing problem because [gays] understand ostracization, we are often willing to accept all sorts into our midst—for instance, certain transsexuals who declare themselves vehemently anti-gay and homophobic.
John Preston: No. I'd hope gay people would have enough sense before they fall back on psychiatric definitions of maladjustment or disease in the categorization of sexual health.
Scott Tucker: I can't answer this question without talking about Freud The American schools of Freudians ditched much of Freud's radicalism and then set up shop adjusting the "maladjusted."
I would say distinctions must be made between sex-killers and sex-torturers who care nothing for the lives and consent of their victims, and people who agree to enjoy a sexual scene which may involve pain, bondage, etc. The root impulse and desire may be similar, but the degree and direction it takes differs a great deal. Just as there are different kinds of heterosexuals, there are different kinds of sadomasochists. Was Hitler's vegetarianism an expression of "maladjustment," and, if so, are all vegetarians potential Hitlers?
T.R. Witomski: No, I am inclined to go along with the idea that SM-ers, because they act out in a ritualized, theatrical fashion some of their darker emotions, are probably healthier emotionally than people who repress these emotions SM is really very therapeutic; it clears the shit away—Psychodrama, role playing [etc.] are basic therapeutic tools used to achieve mental balance, and SM uses these tools. Why do A.I.D.S. and venereal disease appear to be more prevalent among SM-ers?
Chris Burns: True SM activity is very safe. There is usually no body fluid exchange. The problem that people seem to overlook is the drugs involved. A lot of people (in SM and any other scene) use drugs to enhance the situation. Those who use drugs are messing with their immune system those who use them intravenously are flirting with death.
Edwin Clark "Toby" Johnson: I suspect AIDS and other STD's are more prevalent because fundamental to the athleticism of SM [is the assumption that] numbers count. SM-ers are likely to strive for more invasive things to do. Fundamental to SM is the issue of control. That makes safe sex difficult if only because (of) the bottom is unwilling to clearly and unequivocally [declare] what can and can't go on then he can't control his exposure to the disease JP: For the record: AIDS is a venereal disease by any accepted definition of the term. There's no reason at all to think this [allegation] might be true.
Scott Tucker: Certainly, the SM community [was] often singled out for blame in the first years of AIDS But this should be noted and stressed: the leather and SM communities were in the vanguard of safe sex education as soon as information became available, and have done more than their share to raise funds for AIDS research and people with AIDS.
T.R. Witomski: Darling, people you trusted have kept things from you. You do not get AIDS or venereal disease because you have indulged in sexual practices; you get [them] when you come in contact with the causative agents.
Rich Grzesiak: Many people have interpreted the Reagan/Meese crackdown on pornography as inherently anti-SM, in that these censors have targeted the most "controversial" forms of sexuality for condemnation—like SM. Why?
Chris Burns: Those who set up these crackdowns accept a negative view point [re: SM and then proceed to] deceive their audiences even further [with] deceptions thinly disguised as morality or religious thought.
Edwin Clark "Toby" Johnson: Except to aficionados, SM style looks particularly ludicrous and repugnant, violent and dangerous.
The Meese report relies on gut reactions to prove that sex causes violence [so] it has to proclaim the extremes or the[ir] whole argument just fizzles.
I suspect that singling out SM is a media, coalition- building strategy. It certainly attracts the anti-porn feminists even though their critique of violence against women does not in the least pertain to gay male porn.
John Preston: The Meese commission certainly has gone after SM. [it's] a very easy ploy for the right to use to try to convince Americans that sexual freedoms equal sexual license [Even] gays who would like to be accepted as "nice" people are sure to scramble away from association with "bad" folks who do "those" things Using SM as a target assures the right of division of the liberal/radical opposition.
Scott Tucker: Meese is a loyal lackey of Reagan's militarist regime [who] supports fascist troops in Central America but claims outrage at "violent pornography". Censors will always deserve all the hearty ridicule and defiance we can muster.
T.R. Witomski: The Meese Commission Report was the Reagan Administration's Protocols of the Elders of Zion SM pushes people's hot buttons and people react to it on a very visceral level if you understand SM, no explanation is necessary, and if you don't, no explanation is possible.
Rich Grzesiak: Let's imagine you've just met someone who's gay and young and frightened—and very turned-on by SM. What advice would you give him as he struggles with his feelings?
Chris Burns: I love to play with young, gay or straight, frighten[ed] boys. Use your common sense is what I tell them. Learning that a person is trustworthy by reputation can eliminate problems when you are alone and helpless with them.
Remember, do unto others what you would [have] them do unto you! In my case, I can do a lot because I like a lot done to me!!!
Edwin Clark "Toby" Johnson: In counselling a young person on this subject, I'd want to address just what SM really means: is it sexy and macho? or a teenage exaggeration of self-punishment? Maybe it can be reoriented simply by explaining that sex and torture are really different things.
I would see if I could assist this young person to develop romantic, affectionate interests in sex to balance the fetishistic; I'd assure him (her) that he doesn't deserve any kind of punishment at all because of his sexual feelings.
John Preston: After talking to many, many people, my advice parallels very often what I tell young men about coming out—that it feels the same emotionally.
The main advice is to relax and to define what the guy really wants. Talk as much as possible with other people, especially if there are rap groups available in your town. Use the classifieds to meet people, as it's much less threatening than even going to a leather bar for the first time.
Still, there's no pat answer to your question as there are too many variables involved.
Scott Tucker: A cute 22 year old called me up out of the blue a year ago and said, "I was wondering if I could talk to you about some things." I agreed, suspecting that he wanted me to ease him through a second SM coming out and I was more than willing. When we met, it became plain I had little to teach him—he was wearing a Prince Albert ring through the tip of his cock. But what would I say to a [novice] 18 year old? Go slow, find folks you can trust, play safe, and don't put the rest of your life on hold if you like it.
T.R. Witomski: Just what is the phone number of this young and frightened stud who's very turned on—by SM? Would he like to meet me? Really! What he is feeling is good, normal—and there's nothing to be ashamed of.
Angel, the Bike Stop [Philadelphia'a largest levi/leather bar] is full of nice SM-ers who would like nothing more than to play guide but I saw him first. Anyway, while he's busy learning about SM, he'll also learn about opera and food, the two other big turnons among SM-ers-in-the-know.
Rich Grzesiak: Can SM function as the basis for a healthy lover-type relationship? Why?
Chris Burns: Just look at JimEd [Thompson, then Associate Editor of DRUMMER, now deceased] and I: he's my lover, my Daddy, my Master, and I am his lover, son and slave. He fulfills a very deep need that I have to have a lover and to know that when he ties you up he is going to give you intense pleasure more than what you would be able to endure without the bonds there lies the trust. I trust JimEd to tie me down and beat the shit out of me! That is what I want and need. O-o-o-o-o-h! I love it!
Edwin Clark "Toby" Johnson: If SM imagery is simply a fetish in people whose basic personality needs are fairly normal, then I think the answer is yes. If SM is involved with issues of control, I think it can found a relationship with some kind of role playing. My bias is that those aren't the best kind of relationships If SM is really a manifestation of clinical personality disorder and a fascination with violence and acting out elaborate fantasized scenarios, I think the answer is no (except in the case of a folie a deux). I suspect SM can really form a good relationship where individuals cement a union based on the difficulty of finding other people who'd play along or with whom it would be safe to play along.
John Preston: Why not? One of the truly sadistic aspects of American society is its concept of a "perfect" relationship, the end result of which is to leave the overwhelming majority of people feeling inadequate.
Is someone achieving his personal goals? Does the relationship support him as he tries to achieve them? Is someone happy? Then the relationship is healthy enough for me to share his happiness.
Scott Tucker: Sure it can—or at least [SM can provide] one foundation stone among others. I don't think sex as such is a strong basis for any long term relationship, though it's a good spark and the first fire may last for some years.
But let's put romanticism in perspective. SM functions quite well as the basis for healthy tricks and fuckbuddy type relationships as well. As [Manhattan] writer Boyd McDonald says, "I'm not just a human being, I'm also a piece of meat." Be clear whether you want a sex object, a lover, or both, and see where SM fits in your personal picture.
T.R. Witomski: If healthy lover-type relationships (whatever the fuck they are!) can be based on a shared interest in the films of Vera Hruba Ralston or a hot tearoom on the interstate, why can't they be based on a shared interest in riding crops or cattle prods?
Rich Grzesiak: Finally, is there a political dimension to SM sexuality that disturbs you? Are you comfortable with the strong subtexts of dominance and macho in the leather world?
Edwin Clark "Toby" Johnson: I'm not comfortable I [in that] it acts out an aspect of masculinity the civilized human race has to learn to abjure just as we condemn monolithic righteousness and religious fundamentalism. It is frankly unfortunate for gays to tailor their tastes to heterosexuals. I perceive that drag queens and leathermen (and even especially leatherwomen) really stack the deck against us, because they play into popular stereotypes that have been used to justify our oppression.
Sex itself is not understood. Homosexuality is less understood. Variations on homosexuality, like leather, are even further along that continuum.
Scott Tucker: Sometimes SM makes use of military gear and symbols, which makes me ponder certain issues of power and play, fantasy and reality. I think this should be obvious: wearing combat boots will not lead someone with my history and politics to drop bombs on Nicaraguan villages.
Power remains erotic to me, however, and black leather is one way to symbolize power. I suppose someone somewhere has a fetish for uniforms loaded with medals and ribbons, the more baroque the better. Any number of items can carry the charge of sex and power: black leather, jockstraps, latex, rubber, even pin-striped business suits. So the gear is not strictly military.
N.B.: This essay originally appeared in a different form in a March, 1987 issue of Philadelphia's weekly gay newsmagazine AU COURANT and a January, 1988 issue of EDGE MAGAZINE.